I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
