I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
