i would punch a child for taco bell
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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