Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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