...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
