Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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