I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
