When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
