she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
birth control should be required to get into college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
