I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
