There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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