New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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