1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
