just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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