Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
send nudes
from the living room?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
