could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
