summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
