omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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