Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
