Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
