Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
