Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
