Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nutella sex= disaster
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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