I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
