I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
