I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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