I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
