i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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