Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
