Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
