so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
