I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
