i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
