she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You don't make any sense
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