Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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