I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
