My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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