You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
