Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
