We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
