my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
