No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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