There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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