I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I deserve this hangover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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