final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
