the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
