the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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