I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
