I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
