i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
