She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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