Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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