So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
