You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
