I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
